Eli Manning: The Day After
It’s obvious Eli Manning slept rather well after the NFC Championship game. Upsetting the Packers was no easy feat. When Manning woke up he probably took a nice long morning piss and then walked down stairs to fix himself breakfast. Peanut butter Cap’n Crunch I’m guessing.
While eating the breakfast that probably never tasted so good, Eli most likely picked up the phone and made a call…
Ring…ring…ring
Tiki Barber: Hello.
Eli Manning: WHAT!?
TB: Umm, whose calling?
EM: Mothaf*cka don’t play dumb. You know who this is.
TB: Eli?
EM: Nah. Nah, you little punk ass trick. Don’t even call me that anymore. From now on call me Eazy “Mothaf*ckin” E!
TB: What the Hell is wrong with you? Are you drunk?
EM: Listen up slap dick. I know you saw the game Sunday night. And I know damn well you’ve been watching me get all up in that ass during the playoffs. You’ve been talking all this sh*t ever since you retired. I don’t see you opening that horse mouth of yours now. My QB rating is off the chain in the playoffs hoe cake!!
TB: First off you need to calm down. Second off..
Eli interupts
EM: Shut the hell up before I come over with my posse and smack the sh*t out of you. You said I’m not a leader. Well, I’m taking my team to the Super Bowl. And I’m fixing to end the Patriots perfect season, mothaf*cka what!?!
TB: You’re going to beat the Patriots? Ok, now I know you’re drunk.
EM: Toss my salad you bald headed prick! I’ve been serving fools for a minute without Shockey and with Burress on a bad wheel. And don’t even get me started on Toomer dropping more balls than Lance Bass at a gay bath house. How ya gonna feel when I get that ring? Better yet how is it gonna feel when I put that ring on and fist your anus!?!
TB: F*ck you! Don’t ever call me again. I’m hanging up and calling Roger Goodell right now.
Tiki hangs up
EM: Oh no he didn’t!!
Eli hits redial
Ring…ring…ring…ring
EM: Scared mothaf*cka!!
Answering machine picks up…
Answering Machine: Hello we can’t come to the phone right now. Please leave your name and number after the beep.
EM: Tiki! Pick up. I just got one more thing to say.
TB: <Heavy sigh>
Yes Eli? EM: Suck my 6 inch white d*ck you fake ass Huxtable!!!
Eli slams the phone down, scratches his crotch, and then proceeds to finish eating his peanut butter Cap’n Crunch.
THE END
I never understood interventions. What’s the point of being told you drink too much from a room full of reasons why you drink in the first place?
Posted: January 21, 2008 at 7:13 am | by Ryan
Filed under: Sports
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