Carl from Aqua Teen and a trip to Perfectville
Last but not least, the person who had the idea for this commercial deserves a raise. It’s perfect…
I never understood interventions. What’s the point of being told you drink too much from a room full of reasons why you drink in the first place?
Posted: February 5, 2008 at 3:41 am | by Ryan
Filed under: Humor?, Sports
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18-1: Satan’s Team Falls
New York Giants 17 Satan’s Team 14
I would like to take this moment to apologize to someone. A person who I never truly believed in. A NFL player who I thought would choke on the biggest stage. A New York Giants’ quarterback who I believed would be swallowed alive by the New England Patriots Satan’s Team. This person. This NFL player. This New York Giants’ quarterback is Eli Manning. Easy “Motherf*ckin” E has become a legend. Number 10 and his posse have silenced all the critics by upsetting the Patriots 17-14. I’m sure Tiki Barber is somewhere contemplating to either swallow some pills or slit his writs.
I know there are a great number of non-Patriot fans that are upset. These people wanted to see the perfect season. That special moment they could share with their loved ones. Well, cheer up people because something special did happen at Super Bowl XLII. Ten, twenty, thirty years from now you’ll be able to tell the story of a great evil that threatened the NFL. And that sinister unholy essence was destroyed by a man that became a legend on February 3, 2008…Easy “Motherf*ckin” E.
THE PLAY…
Manning’s Easy E’s 32 yard pass to David Tyree will be talked about until the end of time. That play is easily one of the greatest in Super Bowl history. You could have shot E will a 12 gauge and he wouldn’t have gone down. And Tyree making an amazing “helmet catch” over the HGH enhanced Rodney Harrison was the icing on the cake. Mmmmm mmm mmmm!!
Now that the Pats have failed – people will surely be jumping off the bandwagon, the Giants will be getting a case of the finest Dom Perignon from the 1972 Dolphins, and all this greatest team of all time talk will come to an end. Indeed Satan is very very angry. And after watching the classless way Bill Belichick handled the situation after the game – I’m positive he’ll need a few bottles of Absinthe (look it up).
Oh, and I almost forgot. I said on the David Stein show that I would donate 20 bucks to charity every time Tom Brady got sacked in the Super Bowl. He got nailed five times – so I will be writing a check for $100. Money well spent I might add. Not just because Pretty Boy Brady got roughed up, but because I will be sending the money to a battered women’s shelter.
And no, that doesn’t mean I’m sending my donation to the Patriots’ wives. Even though they might need it quick, fast, and in a hurry.
[Eli, monster defense power Giants to shocking Super Bowl victory]
I never understood interventions. What’s the point of being told you drink too much from a room full of reasons why you drink in the first place?
Posted: February 4, 2008 at 7:00 am | by Ryan
Filed under: Sports
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Jemele Hill has lost her mind
Jemele Hill
I recently read a column that almost made me choke to death on the pure stupidity that it poured. ESPN writer Jemele Hill believes Randy Moss was right for quiting on the Oakland Raiders.
Huh?
Last time I checked it was never OK to quit. But Hill thinks otherwise…
“Normally, I don’t condone athletes giving up. But in Randy Moss’ case, he was right to quit on the Oakland Raiders.”
Her reasons for believing this…
“When Moss fled to Oakland from Minnesota, there were high expectations, since the Raiders were only two seasons removed from playing in the Super Bowl and Moss was considered a great talent. But frustrating injuries limited Moss’ effectiveness. And bad coaching, questionable play-calling, working alongside fellow malcontents such as Warren Sapp and Jerry Porter, and failures at quarterback — all this amounted to a Molotov cocktail for Moss, which resulted in the perennial All-Pro becoming disinterested and loathed.”
I’m not even going to justify the injury excuse with a response. Cry me a river. Also, Jemele Hill fails to realize the obvious. Moss is wrong for the simple fact that he judged other people’s actions and then judged himself with his intentions. The world does not work like that – last time I checked anyway. Randy Moss wasn’t responsible for other people on the Raiders, he was responsible for Randy Moss.
The insanity continues…
“How Moss handled things certainly was immature. But can anyone honestly blame him for feeling the way he did? People who hate their jobs don’t give their all — that’s a simple reality. And usually the biggest reason people hate their jobs is because they aren’t being inspired or developed.”
I don’t know what world Jemele lives in, but on planet Earth if an employee does their best to lower morale and does poorly at their job – they would be looking for a new place of employment. Randy Moss was doing this do the Raiders. The only difference was he still got to cash Raider paychecks. What a country.
Hill decides to continue to shoot herself in the foot by bringing Barry Sanders into the equation…
“Years ago, when Barry Sanders retired from the Detroit Lions via fax machine, a large number of Lions fans were angry at what they perceived to be a betrayal. Sanders never shorted his effort on the field, though he did pout at times. But he left the Lions soon after receiving an $11 million signing bonus and the biggest contract of his career. Many fans felt he should have stuck it out. But Sanders later admitted he retired as a healthy 30-year-old because he felt the Lions would never win. And to think, Sanders thought that way about the Lions before the Matt Millen era was in full swing.
Sanders knew he was too good to play for an organization that bad. He might have handled his situation more maturely than Moss, but ultimately they both realized their talent was far too great to be controlled by people who didn’t know how to win.”
Barry Sanders was never a cancer in the locker room and he never gave up on plays. Moss quit to the point where other teams could tell if he was going to get the ball or not. And when he did get the rock, you could tell his heart wasn’t in it. Also, when Sanders “quit” it was when the Lions’ season had come to an end. Oh, and guess what? HE STOPPED GETTING A CHECK!! He was however forced to pay back a portion of his $11 million signing bonus ($5.5 million plus interest over the next three years). But the fact of the matter is Barry Sanders did it with class. Moss did not. Not even close.
Maybe Jemele Hill is a Raider hater. It’s more of a possibility that she believes the only way someone like her will get noticed is if she is controversial. Which is a shame, because I think she can be a good writer. Maybe she’s related to Jason Whitlock.
I’m not biased for disagreeing. Yes, I am Raider fan. But I also believe Randy Moss should have won the MVP and was shocked he wasn’t even close. Moss had 23 touchdowns. Tom Brady threw 50. Randy had almost half the number of TDs as Brady…AND THEY ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!! Brady might have thrown about 35 TDs (at the most) this year without Moss. Take Randy Moss out of the equation, and the Patriots would not be heading into Super Bowl XLII with a 18-0 record. He helped Satan’s Team in ways most can’t comprehend. Mix in the fact that Moss has a history of being a head case, and you get a glass of something that MVP voters must be drinking. And I guarantee it’s fruity.
Just my opinion. Which of course is the only one that matters.
[Randy was right to quit on the Raiders]
I never understood interventions. What’s the point of being told you drink too much from a room full of reasons why you drink in the first place?
Posted: February 1, 2008 at 5:45 am | by Ryan
Filed under: Sports
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