The Obvious Report

Call me Captain Obvious

George Mitchell has dropped the bomb!!! His report has been released to the public and I must say, I’m shocked.

So let me get this straight…

Major League Baseball and the Player’s Association share the blame for steroids being so widespread? Wow. Thanks for the heads up. I should type up a “McBain Report” so I can tell the people there’s no Santa Claus. WELL NO F*CKING SH*T!!!!!! Of course MLB and MLBPA are to blame. If you don’t have the brain power to realize these two groups stuck their heads in the sand then please do the world a favor and practice birth control.

Baseball knew what was going on. And they realized there was money to be made if they kept their mouths shut. Bud Selig knew damn well Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa were on steroids during their infamous home run chase. Selig knew if he had said anything (because of the 1994 strike), MLB might not have recovered. So he put on a fake smile and counted the money rolling in. And if Selig had grown a pair and tried to implement drug testing, the MLBPA would have fought him tooth and nail.

Right now there are people breathing a sigh of relief. Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, Bret Boone, and Brady Anderson to name a few. Maybe they made a deal with the devil. I’m willing to bet my scrotum there are hundreds (if not thousands) of ball players who should be thanking lady luck for not being listed.

I want to know why George Mitchell was leading the investigation in the first place. Mitchell sits on the board of directors for the Boston Red Sox. He has a financial interest in the team. Which means if the Sox do bad, his wallet will follow. By the way, out of the 86 players listed in the report, 22 are former or current New York Yankees. Coincidence?

Roger Clemens is in George’s box – and Roger Clemens is sticking a needle in Andy Petitte’s ass. Oh my. Oh my goodness gracious!!!

I was suspicious of Roger Clemens juicing back in 1997. Following the 1996 season, Red Sox General Manager Dan Duquette proclaimed that Clemens was in the “twilight of his career” following four consecutive seasons (1993-96). The numbers don’t lie. The Rocket was a mediocre 40-39. Clemens was not re-signed so he went to the Toronto Blue Jays. In 97 he had an ERA of 2.05, 292 strike outs and went 21-7. In the 1998 season he had an ERA of 2.65, 271 strike outs, and went 20-6. Nice back to back Cy Young award winning years.

Maybe Roger Clemens was bitter and wanted to prove people wrong. The seasons that followed I got more and more suspicious. But it did not take me till 2004 to realize the obvious. In 2004 the Rocket had 218 strike outs, an ERA of 2.98, and went 18-4. All this at the age of 42. And just so you know, he won his seventh Cy Young award that year. A man that was fading fast for 4 years in a row, became the oldest player to win the prestigious award. The Mitchell Report claims Roger Clemens started using steroids in 1998. If this is true, it would make sense. Why? Well some guy named Jose Canseco was on the Blue Jays that year.

What bothers me is the fact that Barry Bonds is hated for breaking records left and right. But Roger Clemens got a free pass. Was I the only person to notice the size of Clemens’ head growing faster than my genitalia when MILF pornography is on? When the Rocket left Boston his career found the fountain of youth. Nah homie. It found the syringe of youth. [Begin Sarcasm] Gee…I can’t imagine why Roger Clemens was never marked as a roid user by the public and the media. [End Sarcasm] Both players have more in common then most people think. Both of their heads grew. Both of them put on a great deal of weight. And both players became more dominant after the age of 35.

Most of my friends thought I was nuts when I accused the Rocket of being on the sauce. Now that this report has come out, people should go after Roger Clemens with the same zeal they had when going after Barry Bonds.

So much hypocrisy. Rafael Palmeiro’s career gets destroyed because of a positive drug test. But Shawne Merriman is awarded a Nike commercial after his. God bless America.

Posted: December 14, 2007 at 6:59 am | by Ryan
Filed under: Sports
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No Sympathy For Ron Mexico Michael Vick

Roddy White made me laugh on MNF, but it doesn’t change how I feel about Michael Vick.

Michael Vick. Where do I begin?

Obviously illegal gambling is wrong. Fighting and killing dogs is disgusting to say the least. But going to the clink for 23 months is far too extreme for someone with no prior convictions.

We live in a world where people like Leonard Little can kill a woman while driving drunk, and only do a few months in jail. Our government would rather go after Barry Bonds than trying to solve this country’s real problems. Life sometimes doesn’t make sense.

But there are reasons why I have no sympathy for Michael Vick. I believe in redemption to a certain degree if the person seeks it. I find it disturbing Vick did everything in his power to make U.S. District Court Judge Henry Hudson sentence him to 23 months in jail instead of 12-18.

U.S. Attorneys claim Vick practiced deception on several occasions. When he chose to plead guilty, he still decided to lie by claiming he never killed dogs after he gave his word that he would fully cooperate. Mr. Vick claimed that he took a dog to his co-conspirator Quanis Phillips, who then killed the canine. Phillips on the other hand stated that he put a nose around the dog’s neck and then Vick let the canine drop. Cold blooded.

A FBI agent then gave Mr. Vick a polygraph test. A test that proved Vick was lying. He finally admitted to hanging one dog and drowning another. He did this when he had his back against the wall and had no choice but to tell the truth. Before the test, the feds believed Michael Vick was being deceitful. How sick and twisted do you have to be to make them believe your partners in crime over you? Keep in mind Vick’s co-defendants have long criminal records. Mr. Vick also had the great idea to smoke marijuana just 17 days after he told the judge he would stay away from drugs. The former Falcon’s quarterback even had the nerve to lie about smoking the wacky tobacky after he failed his drug test.

This lack of mental power was more than enough of a reason for Judge Hudson to give Vick such a stiff penalty. If Mike Vick had came clean when he pleaded guilty and stayed clear of drugs, he probably would be doing 12 months. Which means he would most likely get out in 10. I’ll go out on a limb and say there was even a chance of Vick doing less than that because he had no prior convictions. I can’t understand how someone like Michael Vick in this day and age lacks the common sense to work the legal system for forgiveness. It was like he wanted to see how much more damage he could do to himself before facing judgment.

At his sentencing Vick stated he used poor judgment and then apologized. At that point it was far too late. This pathetic display was surely watched by Roger Goodell. It’s bad enough Vick lied to the NFL Commissioner about his involvement in the dog fighting ring. But to keep on lying and being self-destructive till the very end isn’t going to help his chances of getting back in the NFL anytime soon.

That is why I don’t feel sorry for this man. The NFL is probably going to suspend Michael Vick a year (maybe more) as soon as he becomes a free man. Hey Mikey, that saying, “The truth shall set you free” isn’t just some clichéd bible quote. It’s something that would have helped you.

Society should not feel sympathy for Mike Vick. All he had to do was come completely clean when he pleaded guilty and stay away from weed. When so much is at stake, how can you have the nerve to thumb your nose at the law? I’ll start showing sympathy when Michael Vick finally wants to redeem himself.

You failed at your first chance for redemption Mr. Vick. Your next opportunity is most likely coming in about 18 months. And the odds are against you.

Posted: December 11, 2007 at 6:08 am | by Ryan
Filed under: Sports
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See what happens when you assume Mr. Whitlock?

Assumptions assumptions…

Before I verbally destroy Mr. Whitlock again, let’s go back to what he wrote in his so called column about Sean Taylor’s death.

No, we don’t know for certain the circumstances surrounding Taylor’s death. I could very well be proven wrong for engaging in this sort of aggressive speculation. But it’s no different than if you saw a fat man fall to the ground clutching his chest. You’d assume a heart attack, and you’d know, no matter the cause, the man needed to lose weight.

Whitlock goes on to write…

No disrespect to Taylor, but he controlled the way he would be remembered by the way he lived. His immature, undisciplined behavior with his employer, his run-ins with law enforcement, which included allegedly threatening a man with a loaded gun, and the fact a vehicle he owned was once sprayed with bullets are all pertinent details when you’ve been murdered.

At the time we had no information about this tragedy. But because Jason Whitlock wanted to be controversial, he chose to put the assumption out there. People with common sense would wait for the facts to come in before throwing out assumptions like Tom Brady throws touchdowns.

Since Sean Taylor’s murder, several details about his death have surfaced. Taylor is gone because of his kindness. He did what the kids call today, “Keeping it real.” Taylor needed some landscaping done so he offered the job to a troubled youth. You have to commend someone for not forgetting where they came from. Sean Taylor also gave permission to his sister to throw a party at his house. These two events seem harmless, but unfortunately for Taylor, this is how the alleged criminals became familiar with his home.

So where is the apology from Jason Whitlock? He was flat out wrong with his assumption. Taylor did nothing wrong. Like I said before, we can’t assume. I also said that the former Redskin’s Safety was turning his life around for his daughter Jackie. Another fact Jason Whitlock decided to ignore. Good job Jason!

Posted: December 10, 2007 at 4:12 am | by Ryan
Filed under: Sports
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