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if you only knew

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  • if you only knew

    Petrified presence, going under like Venice. Menace my thoughts ritual my visual. Now I see beyond the bath and your body. Sought me out to be an individual with minimal self control, its what you do to me extract my sole/ I feel warmth like im stepping on coal. Careful with my wishes I asked god for love and he hit me vicious.
    Im not sorry all these years the devil scared me with lust, inhaled my trust/ then tampered with self consciousness. caution is ignored standing near you, here due to the powers of passion no accident our lives crashed in together like waves. slaves to each other, mother magnificent. if its meant mention my loyal intentions, I used to think in straight lines now there’s three dimensions. By my side supporting these inventions none come close.
    Reason for being is being in your arms. Charms a quality captured with ease, with in yours without a second thought. I forget my last name but about you I remember a lot. Losing gravity, heart beating rapidly, mastered me without taking advantage. wounds from horrible relations have been bandaged, managed to exceed my expectations. I think about your insides more then penetrations, Inner beauty. not saying that your shells not gorgeous authentic, but no one could forge this tenant residing in a world you’ve flourished. Nourished my out look on a country torn by women.
    Within the boundaries found these emotions going bananas, plan us/ we together one in the same. Il carry you were ever if you carry my last name…
    Last edited by JIMBEAN; 03-11-2004, 3:35 PM.

  • #2
    "I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together......"
    Anyway-- I always read your stuff outloud and think that it could be in keystyles, even though it's about love and what not... but as usual I liked it a lot... a few parts were a little cliche (lives crashed together like waves) but others were pure golden (Menace my thoughts ritual my visual. Now I see beyond the bath and your body. Sought me out to be an individual with minimal self control, its what you do to me extract my sole).....

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    • #3
      thanks for the feed back and ya a said to may self about a couple of lines i wrote such as "il carry you were ever if you carry my last name"… as well as the one you quoted and "I forget my last name but about you I remember a lot". but i respect the comments. you leave me positive feed not this is bullshit and its a one out of five. i write on this board to tighten the strings that got loose keep it tight enough to were i like it.but i always end up writing some bicker about what would suit others i guess i put in the occassional mother goose babble to stay on ground with the mediocre. but if you really want to read some above cloud shit ill pm you..

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      • #4
        I definitely like your shit a lot more than most others on this board... it's educated.... I'd love to hear what else you got...

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        • #5
          Same here, I like shit that makes me think

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          • #6
            right as long as i stay creative thats what its all about...

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